When you do something unexpected you shift your trajectory in life.

I like to think of it as hopping timelines in a scifi movie.

Surprising yourself is one of the most powerful ways to build confidence and open your horizons. 

You go from “I’m not the sort of person who does X” to “I’m the sort of person who does” (at least sometimes).

The big versions of this are obvious:

Saying what you really think to a person in a position of power, when you’d normally just let something slide.

Quitting your job, when you’ve previously been someone who prided themselves on your ability to ‘take it’.

Booking a two-week vacation in the middle of a busy year and heading to Burning Man when you’ve never camped, taken psychedelics, or exposed your pale northern skin to more than an afternoon of desert sun.

(The last one was me 8 years ago - the first year I was meant to go to BM I chickened out because I felt I was “too essential” at work. Ha! The second year I went even though work was busier - and I and the company were better for it.)  

…

The small actions can also create big trajectory shifts. Especially if you’re doing the opposite of a pattern you learned in childhood because showing yourself that you can respond to difficult situations in new ways is one of the most powerful ways of healing old wounds. 

An example from this week:

On Wednesday, I got some disappointing work news. 

Traditionally when this happens I’ve treated myself like I learned to treat myself when I got a disappointing grade at school - I’d cancel something fun to double down on hard work so I could ‘protect myself’ from this happening again and, importantly, pre-empt any negative feedback from my parents. 

My vibe was essentially - “look I’m already being hard on myself, so you don’t need to”. 

But this week I did something different. 

After I got the news I called a friend who’s excellent at not taking things personally and let her give me a pep talk.

Then instead of doubling down on work, I got a mani/pedi (something I rarely do) and spent an extra hour hanging with friends before a professional event.

The result?

By that evening I was feeling so good in myself that I felt like standing up in front of a room of strangers to share what I’m up to in life - which in turn attracted a bunch of delightful conversations with prospective clients.

And the most important change?

I’ve shown myself I don’t have to beat myself up when things don’t go my way.

I’m a grown up, responsible only to myself, and if something doesn’t work out I don’t need to ‘protect myself’ from the other shoe dropping. I can feel a little sad, be gentle and loving, and even turn my whole day a full 180 by bedtime. 

What about you?

Is there a big surprising move calling you this summer? (If there is, and especially if it’s Burning Man, feel free to DM me for a pep talk!)

And is there a path you follow when things don’t go your way? Could you try something else and see if there’s a different path for you on the other side? 

If you need more inspiration, here are some small but mighty trajectory changes my clients have been experimenting with in the last few weeks:

Someone who prides herself on pushing forward consistently whether she feels like it or not is trying a 2-week experiment, doubling down on work when she feels high energy and fully aligned on the task at hand - and prioritizing upping her energy or questioning whether there’s a more aligned path to her goals at all other times.

Someone who had been creatively exhausted after feeding content into her sales funnel for 5 years took a break from creating any content at all to see what happened. (Spoiler, she still got a ton of interesting inbound referrals and has proven to herself that she can create because she WANTS to, not because she HAS to). How liberating! 

Someone who was beating herself up hard for something that felt like a big failure, let go of the deep self-flagellation and catastrophization that was making everything way worse. Instead, she prioritized sleep and joy and family and friends. And in a matter of weeks, she’s fired up for her next chapter, when a similar setback a few years ago spun her into a depression. 

This can often be a powerful part of a coaching engagement - having someone point out a pattern that feels so natural it’s just part of the wallpaper of your mind. And once you're conscious of it, you can experiment with something different to see what happens next. 

Wishing you a glorious early summer weekend from Lake Erie!

Katharine

PS. I’m currently signed up for a writing course and in a fairly prolific phase. My newsletter will remain weekly to honor your attention. But if you want more KCH in your life, follow me on LinkedIn and click the bell icon if you want to see all my posts.